Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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