he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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