well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
