A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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