i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
