My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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