In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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