was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
