We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
