There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
