I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
