it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
