JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
