you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
