i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
