Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
