Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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