Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
NoShamevember. You game?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize