i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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