cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
