Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
