We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
