stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
