I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
