the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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