I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
