you guys were way drunker than both of me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Someone shattered a urinal.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
