Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
