I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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