she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
