first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
