Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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