Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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