I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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