So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
