so that wasnt chicken after all
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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