If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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