Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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