my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
