When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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