If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
