You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
