Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
