He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
