I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
