ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize