So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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