I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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