i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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