After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
