Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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