this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
