WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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