My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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