I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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