I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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