There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
