Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
