I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
