Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
