32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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