worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
