i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
