I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
