The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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