he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
