I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
