I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
