??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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