pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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