I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
