I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
