I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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