wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We need to rekindle our bromance
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
