come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
