The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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