At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
