I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Vodka?
Forever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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