i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
