I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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