Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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