respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
