I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
