You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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