He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
