dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize