I think I am morally bankrupt
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
