There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
