I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
