What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
