they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
