everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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