uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
