Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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