That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
