when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
