well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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