I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
