I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
