1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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