You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
