Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
