Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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