Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize